Lonely Days and other craziness

I decided that I would do this blog to keep record of the experience that we are having moving half way across the world. I always think that I will remember everything the way it happens, with the same intensity but I never do. Memories fade but words are forever. We are both travelling souls and when he called me and told me about the opportunity over a year and a half ago I didn't hesitate. Of course we would go, what else would one do when confronted with such an amazing option. Now that we are here I think I'm understanding the reasons that people said no. Don't get me wrong I'm still super excited that we came but I can appreciate the challenges when faced head on by them.

So here it goes bitch-fest that may get everything off my chest and let me sleep again:
- I'm worried that being here during such an important time in Madeline's development is going to change her view of a strong woman. She is free, strong willed and independent but living in a society that I feel like children, especially girls, should be seen and not heard has to take it's toll eventually.
- I feel like a circus act every time I'm in public. Growing up in the melting pot that is America I never gave much thought to the minority mentality. But oh boy is it crazy here! Which is funny because I feel like I see about as many expats as Saudi nationals. I think it's just the paranoid judgment I'm feeling with all the looks. Plus they think Maddy is the best zoo exhibit. Blond hair and blue eyes is not so common here. We got accosted in ikea yesterday, grown woman wanting to take her picture and kiss her on the mouth! Just added to my anxiety of confronting yet another hurdle of people.
- This is not the woman I am! I am strong, independent, proud and have never needed a man to do anything for me. Here I can't go into multiple stores without my husband, can't go anywhere without a man driving me and can't even sit in the front seat while he does drive me! My neighbor said she could feel herself shrinking and I think it's the most accurate account of the feeling. I've only been here a couple days but it feels like a permanent feeling as if I won't be able to switch myself back on.
- My anxiety is in hyper drive, I don't want to break rules but I don't feel like I know half the rules. The closest feeling I can compare it to was when I first took Maddy out as an infant. Not having any idea of the crazy society I just joined and certain that someone was waiting around the corner to catch me being a bad mom.
-I'm lonely, I feel like aside from my husband few people can quite understand our situation because it takes both an intimate knowledge of Saudi and an intimate knowledge of me. Sadly not many people have both.

Okay done dwelling on the things I can't change and moving on to the things I can. Time fixes a multitude of things and I'm certain that's the case here to. With time I will find creative ways to show my daughter that these women are strong just in a different way. I will find a balance of my self and the rules. I will calm the fuck down and realize that breaking a rule isn't the worse thing ever. I will make new friends and take this precious time to build the relationship with my husband. If nothing else, I will embrace the attention from being a circus act and just smile!

Welcome to Saudi!

After a long journey from Houston we arrived here at 10pm on 8/22nd. We were meet as we got off the plane by a non-English speaking gentlemen who escorted us out a back door to the VIP customs area. Maddy ran straight into Trey's arms when she saw him. We were in our temporary home by 1am and fast asleep within 10 mins! Now it's just adjusting to the little differences like ketchup and women only waiting rooms. Planning on spending the week figuring things out.